Tuesday 30 June 2015

In a Language my Heart can Understand

One of my favourite movies is A Walk in the Clouds. There are so many moments and sayings in that movie that really speak to me. I'm like that, in movies it's a lot about the words, the communications, the connections. I'm a word person even in movies! So there is a particular scene where the grandfather Don Pedro tells Paul Sutton (aka a very young Keanu Reeves) "her heart is Spanish, you must speak to it in the language it understands."

I love that statement because it's true about our hearts and its true about our relationship with Father God too. He speaks to us in the language our heart can understand. Yesterday a friend of mine was telling me how, whenever she feels down she gets out a flag and starts worshipping God with her flag. You see she discovered worship dancing a year and a half ago, at a time where she was learning more about herself. Since then, she has joined a dance team and discovered even now in her forties, that she was made to dance and its the way she expresses herself to God. For me, when I draw near to God, I write. I express myself in many different ways but the form of words just weaves in my heart and I need to hear His words too. I need to hear His physical voice, telling me the things I need to survive. That is how we are, our hearts are unique, we are individuals that is why He says He knows us all by name. We are not a big unit to Him, we are individually unique, one of a kind and Yeshua our Beloved takes the time to know and to learn the intricate beatings of our individual hearts. He speaks to our hearts in a language it can understand. 

We are not all the same, we are different so one mould can never fit us all! It was never supposed to. For years I watched and saw how religion put believers in to a box, a box called "this is how to pray." People who didnt pray a certain way or even out loud, were labelled crazy. People who did pray out loud but too loud, were termed spiritual fanatics. People who wanted to paint during worship, were frowned out. Yet today, God is seriously seting us free. Free to play, free to play, free to be ourselves, to paint and pray, to play and worship, to cry, to laugh, to watch the birds, or the setting sun and know that in each moment and with each breath, God is capturing our hearts in the language it understands.
We never have to be someone else, we need to be unique in our love and in our language with God. Often times my husband and I will share certain revelation we received in prayertimes and we marvel at how God is giving us a similar message yet spoken in such unique ways, based on our hearts and how we function as individual children of God.

May you be blessed beloved to know that, God speaks your language and you never have to be anyone else but yourself. Express yourself just as you are and may the Holy Spirit give us the peace and the freedom to express ourselves just as we are.

Friday 26 June 2015

God Dreams

I've been thinking a lot about dreams lately, about what happens when you fulfill a dream and then you move on. Like the movie Tangled, she got to witness the floating lanterns and then she had to find another dream. I have come to realise that God dreams too, He dreams of us. He dreams of someone with a humble heart like Moses, someone with the strength to lead like Deborah and the love of Christ to change nations. Dreams mean little without the Original Dreamer. I know that as a little girl I dreamt of writing but I lost my dream in the flowing river of life, until Yeshua resurrected it but with His Power and Purpose. I never want to have a dream without Him and I know that every dream is surrendered in to His Hands. I am so thankful that this year saw the blessed fulfillment of one of my God dreams. 

I guess lately I have been praying to God to show me what is the next dream, what is the next mission. I am not sure yet but I do know that He has me and whatever the next call is, the next mission of purpose, it's always exciting!
May God bless you and lead you in all the God - dreams you have within you!

Sharing with FMF

Thursday 25 June 2015

The Stories around us

This week I was confronted with the very real reality of how people don't look for the beauty or the gems in those around them. I was confronted by the lack of honour and respect that we should afford one another and each others stories, espcially as believers who are living our God - stories out in this temporal world. I am big on story, big on learning others stories. Something inside of me - something my Saviour Yeshua placed inside of me, wants to learn and listen to those stories. Not the stories of the famous, not the stories everyone is listening to but the hidden stories, the ones we dont hear about. The ones that people have forgotten or neglect because the bearer of the story is shy or does not like talking much or is unassuming and humble. I see how many people just walk over others, disrespecting the journey of their stories and I know we all do it, but I hope that we can realise that in all of us is a story. A beautiful story, a gem of a story. Even if your story did not start out so well or it has some concave moments of broken glory and intense suffering, it's okay because those are necessary stories. May we each have enough God stories in our own paths of life, to fill our hearts when we need it most. Let's look for the beauty and the story in one another and in the world around us. Even creation has a story, every bird has a story, every creature has a story, let's have the ears to hear it!

I have come up with some meaningful features of the word story....

S - strands.... life is a tapestry and God is weaving this beautiful tapestry of destiny together, from generation to generation. We are strands in the tapestry, lets connect together, draw out the best in one another, realise we are a body and we are each a unique colourful strand that is beautiful!
T - talents.... I once read a quote that said "remember each person you meet is a unique individual with his or her own set of talents and gifts just waiting to be discovered and used!"  This made so much sense to me, we each are gifted and should honour the talents of others.
O - opportunities... don't be intimidated by someone else, give yourself the opportunity to shine and shine on like a star in God's Heavenly masterpiece!
R - respect, honour, call out.... respect the individuals around you, call out what is good in them, honour the members of this body of Messiah. Know that we are each a story, each a part of God's story and we each need to Rise up and start living the calling of God on our lives!
Y - Yield as Yarn.... submit and surrender to Father Yahweh. Yield your life, your heart and your everything to the Only One who is worthy. Yield as a starnd of Yarn ready and willing to be used in His big plan. Your story is redeemed by His story, you are the dust He is raising up to be used, yield... He wants your heart!

This week, reflect on how you can honour the people around you and how you can find out more about their stories or even your family members stories, look for the stories around you! 

Monday 22 June 2015

Playing in the Most unexpected Places

This weekend was just great, something Father knew I needed. First, my mom came and stayed the night, fun, fun! She cooks yummy curry and we curl up with the gas fire on and watch Father of the Bride, simply one of my favourite movies of all time. Saturday she leaves and I get stuck in to some serious R and R time with God. Sunday we head out early to my parents place for Fathers Day and off we head on a trek over to my brothers farm for a yummy lunch. Enter lunch, exit the dishes and we settle down on to the stoep for a crazy rip - laughing game of 30 seconds! Wooohooo, hubby and I won with an epic breaker of babe, come on you can get this! who is that guy who did the runny man and played in that hideous movie where he drove around on the motorbike! Vanilla Ice! And so we won, talk about fun!

Then off to pick some yummy lemony fruit, eat it right out of the skin and throw the peels around. Then my brother convinces me to walk through the bush and stand at the back of the house just to "hear" the silence. It was so peaceful my ears were actually sore. I just wanted to put a chair down and rest in it, drink it in. Then he convinces myself, my mom and hubby to take a walk in to the quarry. Careful for the ticks and the snakes, but either then that you will be fine! Yeah okay... and off we walk the intrepid trio following a sandle - clad big brother and his two huge dogs. Through the bush and exit out in to a hollowed out dam, with amazing trees growing in heart shapes and rivers cut out in to the rocks. Could it really be so beautiful in this place! Yes it was and as I climbed the hill and watched the sun setting in the distance something settled in my soul. It was called peace, Heaven - purchased peace. No phones, no computers, no rushing, no watches, nothing, just being. The sense of being and today I woke up missing it. The walk in to the silence and the sense of leaving it all behind. When we walked back, we found my father sleeping on the stoep and my brothers girlfriend curled up drinking tea. It was bliss. Play, peace and just being all in one, unrehearsed, unexpected and delightful. The best times are unrehearsed and just pulled right our of God's sleeve, just for us! I am so thankful for this great weekend and for a great family and for some amazing moments to treasure and remember! 

Sharing with Reflect
And Winter

Saturday 20 June 2015

A Father's Love

 I longed for so many years, longed from a deep place for a Father's Love. I'm not sure why but it was an unconscious longing, one I could not put in words, one I felt. I grew up with a father and am blessed to still have a dad, but because of my fathers own woundedness I struggled with abandonment. Diagnosed at 12 with separation anxiety disorder. When I met Yeshua a few years later, I met a man who loved me, who drew me in to a deep place. Everyone's walk and travelling journey is different, mine was unique and it involved walking in to the darkness of abandonment and surrendering it in total trust, to the Great I am. The Loving Father with twinkling eyes when He looks at me. 

Today, it has been a journey, one that has spanned the years and yet here I stand my  hand in Daddy's Hand. Laura Boggess shared in her book playdates with God, a beautiful piece that was really true of my own experience too. She shared how she used to experience God when she sat beside the ocean but one day while on vacation she sat beside the ocean and did not experience it in the same way. She asked God, are you hiding from me? His answer was clear, her walk of playdates had resulted in learning to live with Gods daily presence. My journey has been the same, through many deep realities and through an intimate relationship of abandon, I now live in a space purchased for me by the blood of the King. A space that is deeply Heavenly, a place where His love has broken down my feelings of abandonment. A place where I am legitimate, where I know I belong, where I know that Father would give the world for me, and He did...

I find personal posts like this, sort of hard to share because there are no words or explanations for years of living and loving with an Everlasting God. But I have met so many young girls who have father wounds and who wrongly believe those wounds cannot heal. I want to tell you precious sister, daughter, beloved of the Most High - there is always hope for healing complete. He wants to heal us in our deepest parts. Our brokenness is no match for His Liberty, our pain no match for His Grace and Love. Give it a chance and may His Precious Love melt away the frost of a hardened heart of pain.

Daddy, thank You for being the Father I always longed for, it was always You that my heart yearned for. I Love You - the greatest Papa, the wonderful Son, the Beautiful One I have ever known, thank You Daddy, for setting me free....

Thursday 18 June 2015

An Alabaster Heart

The shelves glistened with mirrored jewellery boxes and heavy candle holders. I browsed through the piles of ornaments and heavy clay pots, all in search of something resembling the alabaster jar. For weeks Father had been whispering to me about the alabastar jar, specifically Miryam from Bethany's love jar. 

The gospel writers make mention of two different alabaster accounts. In Luke 7, a "sinful" woman anoints Yeshua's feet while He is dining in the home of Simon the Pharisee. John 12 however mentions Miryam/Mary's alabaster offering, where she anoints our Messiah for His death. The one that drew me in, is Mary's offering and with her elaborate gift of adoration I went searching for something that resembled a first century jar.

I'm a pretty visual person, often combining something I can touch with something I can see and describe with words. At the time, I was invited to a women's ministry event and asked to be the speaker. As I wondered through those shelves I wanted to find Miryma's jar. Something I could hold up and show those ladies, a visual representation of a deeply intimate gift but I found nothing. Nothing, tugged at me, nothing caused the spirit within me to jump. So I returned home to a cup of hot tea and a snug chat with Father. As clear as anything His words swept over me with a bold declaration of resonating truth. "Child, your alabaster jar is your heart. It is filled with costly anointment and nard, years of walking, years of intense pushing through. Years of trial, years of cost but that is precisely the Love gift that you pour out on My Feet."

I smiled deeply at the truth, the truth that our hearts are our alabaster jars. The ones we pour out on the feet of our King. The walk we have had to walk has not been easy. We face things no one knows about, we suffer through things we dont talk about but everything, every sacrifice, every prayer and every heartbeat of Love is stored up in our alabastar jar. We should pour it out over our King, in surrender and abandonment. Miryam/Mary's offering was not repentance for sin, but worship in adoration. She faced the ridicule and the hatred of many but she did not care, she knew the One she Loved, He was her Messiah and she gave it all for Him.. and what a precious gift to give!

Sharing with Holley Gerth
Coffee with Winter 

Wednesday 17 June 2015

To my Darfuri Brothers and Sisters

 Darfuri brothers and sisters, we hear your cries and the loss of your thousands. We see the soil sweating with blood, we smell the lives of hopeless, displaced masses left behind. Why me? She asks, "why I am alive just to die another day?" My brothers and sisters your lives are not far from our hearts, our emotions ripped open and apart, we cry for you, we weep for you, my brothers and sisters we hear you. 

As much as the Media has said South Africa has failed you, my family we have not forgotten about you! The people of the streets are bitter over this evil corruption, we are sorry for all that you now face. Our government has failed to do all that is right, your president flew out of here in the daylight, while our president and his cabinet failed to act. They let him go, a man whose hands are filled with half a million lives, a man whose conscience never picks at his chest, never convicts him, his evil mind is always at rest.

His plane flew out of here and as it left the ground, we wept. Wept for the lives of our Darfuri family whose voices went unheard and whose cries for salvation and redemption went unheeded.
But my Darfuri family, you are not far from our prayers, may God give you peace as you struggle to live and find peace. May God save you my family and may the neglect of the wicked who rule, may they be weighed in the scales and receive their due...

Right now as we sit here there is a Genocide happening in Sudan. A government - funded military killing of innocent men, women and children. Here are some statistics.
The UN estimates that between 200,000-300,000 people have died in Darfur since the start of the current conflict in 2004.
Some 4.7 million people are currently directly affected by the conflict, out of a total population of around 6.2 million. In 2008 alone, 310,000 people have been displaced, or newly displaced – bringing the current total of displacement to 2.7 million.
Half of those affected by the conflict are children; of these, nearly 700,000 (the under-five population) have grown up knowing nothing but the conflict.

Sudan is listed as Number 6 on the world watch list of Persecuted Believers in the world.
Meriam Ibrahim was imprisoned in Sudan for converting to Christianity, happily enough she was finally released after international outcry. Yet, there are so many people dieing in this African country. Let us pray for them, for faith and for comfort, for protection for the young girls and women who are brutalised and assaulted. Let us pray for God's mercy and intervention. This weekend the South African government was suppose to arrest the Sudanese president as he was on our soil, yet they failed to act - even after a court hearing! We are horrified!

Saturday 13 June 2015

We've come Home

Last week my parents announced that they were considering adopting another sausage dog. I say another because they already have two! This info was quite startling to me because while I grew up in a pet - loving home, my father was quite adamant that they were not getting another dog. But when my fathers friend phoned and told him the sob story about Sherie, the seven year old sausage dog, something in his heart changed. Sherie was living in a home where the newer younger puppy Boxer, was biting her and so they felt Sherie had to go. For me this is always quite sad because Sherie is already seven years old and people tend to adopy young dogs while dogs in the latter years of their lives, do struggle to find a home. Anyhow, my parents went to see Sherie, a real meet and greet. The man who homed Sherie was pretty smart in all accounts because he placed Sherie in my fathers arms as he walked in the door and instantly they bonded. Sherie went home with my parents....

After an hour of settling in and meeting the other dogs, my dad put Sherie on the bed. My mom tells me that Sherie froze for over half an hour. She was unused to the soft velvety blanket beneath her paws, she was used to sleeping outside for seven years! She was an outdoor dog and in all honesty my parents house is a pet pooch palace. Their dogs sleep in the bed, eat chicken and rice with himalayan rock salt. They have their own chairs in the lounge and often get a nice snug fire going when they are cold. After Sherie's initial shock at this fantastic new sleeping spot, my dad tucked her in under the blanket next to the pillow and guess what, Sherie has found her sleeping place for life. After intitially stealing the other dogs' food, Sherie now knows she is getting her own plate and will have the same amount of food too. she no longer has to steal because she is afraid she wont get, now she knows the people who feed her have opened their home and their hearts to her, and she is safe and treated as an equal.
 What my parents have done for Sherie (who is sleeping above!) really spoke to my own heart this week. It spoke to my heart and told me again how beautiful it is to live in the home of our King. In His house there is such love and such blessing, such favour and love. It is a completely different place and like Sherie, we ourselves have had to get used to the beauty and comfort of our Papa's palace. It also showed me how He never gives up on us, no matter how long we have lived away from Him or no matter how far someone has fallen, ther eis always place in His house. It makes me think of Romans 8, For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Tonight I am celebrating the Father's Love for me and the fact that I can lay my head down to sleep in a cosy bed filled with Love and that He gives me my daily bread in all ways. Tonight, I bow my head and say thank You Papa that You never gave up on me and thank You Papa for Sherie's life and may she be so blessed in her new heavenly home...

Sharing over at The Weekend brew
and Dance with Jesus
Sunday Stillness 

Friday 12 June 2015

FMF - The world I call Home, South Africa!

FMF - Five Minutes of Writing, GO!

I loved Kate's prompt this week - yey! And I loved her writing about South Africa. Yup, I'm South African, very deeply so. My moms family were French Hugenoets escaping religious persecution in europe so they arrived here in the 17th century and settled down. Here they stayed! My dads family are a mixture of Spanish Jews, also who settled here in the 19th century and they got some British blood mixed up in here. I am deeply South African! 
My husband is too and his family generations span just as long, I am African! This is where our heart beats. It is true, this country is deeply religious but Cape Town is a city of revival. Many people have testified ot this reality. When you fly in to Cape Town, you feel it and I am so glad that my feet live here and my heart lives here.
My husband and I have travelled to other countries and we always get the same response when we say we are South African, but you not black! Haha, yup we have 5 million white people here and loads more Indians, and other nationalities. That is why we are called the rainbow nation! But we are also a land afflicted by crime and corruption, a very real problem and something we pray about daily.

Last year when my husband and I went on a mission trip to Ghana, I realised how powerful it was to stand up and minister to my sisters about restoration from slavery and true restoration in Yeshua. I realised that the message that beats in my heart of restoration carries so much weight because I come from a beautiful land, the Southern most tip of Africa where two oceans, one hot, one cold; here they meet and collide. They kiss and then divide and yet here they begin and here they end, just like all our terrible pasts but glorious futures. With tears in my eyes - I am in love with this land and my heritage and God be praised that He made me right here, right now....

Stop! (WOW I cant believe I wrote all this is five minutes, I was writing it with tears!)
Linking with Kate M 

Thursday 11 June 2015

The Fire Within cannot be Contained

Most people reading my blog, don't know that my husband and I are in full - time ministry. When I first started this blog I needed a safe space away from the crowds to gather my thoughts and honour my own feelings. However, lately I have been struggling with this. My season has changed and I am still the same but I can't separate myself from how I serve and where I serve in the body. So I still need this space to love and share but I also need to share what's on my heart... Recently Father has been showing me greater depth and insight in to my mandate, my position in His army and it has changed a lot within me.

This week Yeshua/Jesus gave me a very specific message for the women in the body. Women who are struggling with the idea of serving in the body. Women who are hearing that voice of God calling them deeper and so I did my first audio - visual for our ministry. I am usually the writer on our website and the speaker in real life, but here I am both and I am so excited about it! I want to share this video, with the message here on this blog because it's for His entire body and that encompasses all the special women of God.

I pray you will take the time and let it minister to your heart! 

Saturday 6 June 2015

The Gift of Equality

Five Minute Friday Post - Go!

 Tonight I had this fire burning inside of me, place there by Yeshua's fiery Love. I had to write and commit to paper the message He was giving me and as I wrote and penned all about the women in the earliest congregations I felt so in awe. I love writing about these women, and calling other women forth. My husband and I have believed in biblical equality from the very beginning. That's the very essence of what we stand for, and it's a gift. A true gift. Seeing one another as equally called, equally gifted and equally able is a gift and it's truly a blessing to co - rule, co - labour and co - manage our marriage and our creation. This has always been our conviction and as we sail these seas of life, its helped us in so many ways. Seeing others as equals is part of the restoration of God. In South Africa we have such a history of inequality and now from these ashes we rise up and speak of equality. Equality across borders, equality because its part of the bride. She is arrayed in different colours and nationalities, comprised of us all. How beautiful is the gift of equality across our divides. Thank You God for this gift of beautiful equality!

Linking up with Kate

Friday 5 June 2015

(In) Sanity - it's always in!

Joining the conversation at Velvet Ashes .It's been a hard week, yeah so we all get them. But add it to the expectant hope of breakthrough and the very hard few months before, it kind of gets tough. Ministry or mission work is not something to just jump in to, it's a deep commitment. Sometimes its a commitment not only to help people you dont know or to give hope to the hurting or broken, but its a commitment to sometimes not having money, to not having it all together and to sometimes, falling apart. 

This afternoon I was sharing my present feelings with my hubby, about some discoveries I am making on my present journey into trying to hold on to my sanity and trying to not to grow hopeless. I must laugh as he told me, imagine how hopeless Paul felt when he was under house arrest for 2 years. Imagine how he felt when he longed to visit a particular congregation to encourage them and then he died before he could get there! 
I have no idea how that was suppose to be encouraging, haha but that's also why my hubby is not a counsellor but he does try his best. His answer did not discourage me at all, in fact it was rather funny. But in it all I realised how sometimes its a human reality to think that no one can understand what you are facing or understand how you are feeling. In essence they cannot and sometimes in the silence of loneliness with those feelings, it can feel like God doesnt understand either. But He does and there is some comfort in that. 

Having been called out of active service and not doing active missionary work (last year we were in Ghana! and we were teaching, preaching!) we can only rely on God's will to lead us in this very strange wilderness. Where everything is stretched, faith, life, finances, friendships and hope. In the isolation it is easy to lose sanity - and it's okay. It's tough, yes, I said it but that doesnt mean I'm giving up. It just means that it is and its okay to say so.

So to all my precious family out there who are finding themselves in a similar place, may God give us all the grace and strength to find the meaning in this season and may we not lose the burning fire within to still change the world for the good!

Monday 1 June 2015

The Beautiful Things

There is beauty everywhere sings my heart! Beauty in You oh King of my Heart.
I am enraptured by beauty, the ducks dancing as they bathe, the guinea fowl comfused as they sit on the roof and wonder how to climb that rickety fence. And to think how I often miss it when I busy trying to meet the deadlines and goals that sometimes cloud my vision. How I can miss they beauty that You paint for me everyday, just for me. This is where I am alive, when I am staring at Your beauty. When I am hearing that music and sensing that song deep down inside. Thank You for the Freedom, for leading me from that busyness. It's not destined for me, but You are and right here with You is where I long to be. Dance with You, caught up with You, You are so beautiful Yeshua. I rest with You, my vision changed I was caught up in the world of things not destined for me. Here is where I am with You, peaceful at rest with You. Thank You for finding me and leading me from the busyness not made for me....

I love photos, so I am sharing some of the beautiful things of my life today...
What are the beautiful things you can see today?

Sharing with Coffee with Winter