Hope against Hope - FMF

 Writing today with the Five Minute Friday community for a spontaneous few minutes on the word "panic," let's go...

I have to face it, there's been a lot of panic to go around today. Waking up this morning I was faced with news alerts and private messages about attacks in the Middle East. I felt a knot in my stomach. Not the way I like to wake up in the morning for sure. I thought of friends I know out there, and I thought of biblical prophecy. We know the end from the beginning as the Holy Book says. Yet we watch and sometimes murmur, yet all this war and all these unrest's happening around people I know and care about. It's tough!

 And then of course, I felt panic watching South Africa playing cricket in the WTC championship final. Panic. Desire. Hope. Prayer. Yet panic in the face of the unknown. It's all real. It exists in its different forms when we watch sport, cheer on our team and hope they win. Another form exists when we watch our friends bunker down in areas of airstrikes. It's hard to be human with it all sometimes.

Yet there is the hope that tomorrow will be a good day. A day of victory and goodness. A day where hope is finally realised in lifting that cricket trophy, and hope in hearing that right has triumphed over wrong and victory comes to the righteous. The Bible promises such a victory, a righteous one. And hope against hope, we wait for the expected good...

Stop!

Linking with FMF  

 

FMF - We owe it to Ourselves

Writing with the Five Minute Friday community this week, the word prompt is "owe!" Here I go...

I've been thinking for a while, about a book project I completed some time ago. I prayed about it and left it. Knowing it was a very unique project and would definitely need a publisher who could believe in it, and have a vision of belief, if it was to be published. What I have also faced is how the opinions of others have impacted my own thoughts, and the kindness of Yeshua has come in to those places and let me know I am not to believe or listen to the thoughts of others. This has been a journey. A deeply personal one. To those who know me and have read my books, I have been successful from a publishing perspective. And have won awards and written best - sellers, but I don't write traditional things or even books that fit into moulds. It's the best part of my writing, and also one that makes life a little difficult when it comes to publishing. Publishers always want to make money and play it safe. But here's the thing... for some time it has been impressed on my heart to move forward with this project that has been in the background for a number of years. SO I pushed the button and submitted. Say a prayer for me, and may God's will be done...

Stop!

Linking with Five Minute Friday 

Not Following the Crowd - FMF

 My Five Minute Friday Post this week, setting the timer for 5 minutes and writing on the word follow... 

 

When I saw the word for today, I breathed out in a sense of peace. It certainly seemed to be right up my street, and exactly where I have been this past week, at least with something new I have been thinking, feeling and dreaming of doing.

In this world of ours, we often think we have to do something in the same way as someone else, or worse still, we think we shouldn't do something because someone else is "already" doing it.  I know I've got caught out in that way of thinking before. The enemy of my soul has lied to me countless times, making me think I shouldn't do the very thing God has placed in my heart, because what could I offer. What could I say that would be different. I've recognised this trick and learnt that many other people I know, struggle with the same thing.

But this lie is not truth!

Each of us are unique. And the things we dream of doing are God - breathed, beautiful and deep. Over the past month I have been sensing a hobby brewing.. a desire, to create a sports podcast for women. I got caught a little in over - thinking it, but no ways! I feel immense freedom and joy in dreaming about what I'd want to be talking about. So I am really excited about setting on this new journey of sport podcasting, because I'm following the leading of God, and there's nothing better!

STOP!

Sharing over with the community at Five Minute Friday 

The Power of Vashti

It was an opulent world, the one she lived in. Defined as the best home in the land, it was also the most dangerous. A place of law and everything in its place, including her. Vashti the queen was taught to know her place. But was that place her rightful place? Is the place we’ve been taught to “know,” the right place for us as well? Or is it a place of “don’t step out of place or you’ll be expelled?”

Xerxes the strong Persian king desired his wife to appear before drunk men, so he could show her to the people in the same way he had shown his prized possessions to the visiting nations. His wife, fresh from birthing his son and heir, was ordered to present herself as merely a possession before people who would perversely stare at her form. Suggested by scholars, that Vashti was to appear naked wearing only the royal crown, this would have been a rather dangerous situation among drunk men don’t you think? Although a queen of the strongest nation in the world, Vashti had little power, except she did have personal power. She could not control the court, or the world she lived in, but she could control her choices. She could raise her voice; she could summon all the courage she possessed and say no to being used as nothing but a possession or a form. And she did just that.

We know nothing about Vashti’s history, the rabbi’s call her vain and idolatrous, history cannot find her and so if we consider how little we know about her, perhaps we can decide on her character based on this one moment. A moment found in the first chapter of the book of her successor Esther.

Vashti is vilified in theology, but for what exactly? For refusing to be accosted, abused or misused? For exercising personal power and the right for every woman to say no when ordered to do something that goes against their character? We are a Vashti when we say no to abuse, when we say “no that makes me uncomfortable,” or “no I am not going to sleep with you.” We are Vashti when we stand on the sidewalk and protest against abuse, we are Vashti when we refuse to be judged by the food we eat or the figures we possess. We are her in so many ways and that’s a good thing.

The centuries old gate keepers of theology disliked Vashti because the gate keepers were all men, interpreting scripture based on their understanding and suspicion, hatred even, of strong women. Yet, theirs is the same laughable but sad behaviour of Xerxes and his court. Xerxes enraged with her rebellious behaviour and flat out refusal of his order, turns to one of his officials and asks what is to be done to the queen? Memucan answers and says “Vashti the queen has not only wronged the king but all the officials (royal representatives) and all the peoples who are in all the provinces of King Ahasuerus.  For the queen’s conduct will become known to all women, causing them to look on their husbands with contempt (disrespect), since they will say, ‘King Ahasuerus commanded Queen Vashti to be brought before him, but she did not come.”

Gasp! Certainly, because Vashti exercised her God given right to say no, this has placed the most horrific fear in the hearts of the mighty men of Persia. Think about it, they fear a female uprising, an awakening among women, and this awakening would disrupt the very fabric of the Persian existence. We could laugh at it, if it were not so sad and so familiar. This new law enforced upon Vashti’s refusal to be misused, now further restricted a woman’s personal power to choose what is best for her and her life. Patriarchy will rule and reign, period. This diabolical plan to silence the voice of women through law, fear, false doctrine, people, governments, and so many more outlets is not something new. It is something we are all too familiar with. Which is why we need a nation of Vashti women, right here, right now and we need a nation of Mordechai men. As much as we look lovingly at our matriarch Esther and admire her boldness to go before the king, we can forget that initially Esther wanted to remain silent. Yet it was her cousin Mordechai who insisted that she a woman, use her voice to change the course of a nation and a people, forever.

When Esther decided to use her voice, it took courage. Courage to go when unsummoned and Vashti held courage in her heart when she refused despite being summoned. Either way, it was the power of the female voice that could be heard louder than the dishes at the intimate dinner, or the drunkenness at a mass gathering. And it will be our voices refusing to be silent, that will be heard the loudest, it’s time to be a Vashti, for such a time as this.

These are my Purim thoughts this year - Happy Purim!

FMF - Ignoring Stars

 I have not done a Five Minute Friday Post in a long time, so I am happily joining in this week to write for five minutes without thinking, editing or revising, timer set..... let's go!

 

 

Nick Jonas got a star on the walk of fame. Sometimes, celebrities and their "wins," dominate the news and it seems as though they are always winning. It can be hard to ignore that. We live such ordinary lives, the rest of us, or so it seems. We are world apart from their lives, so can we ignore what they do? I believe we can, and should probably. The trap of comparison steals joy and let's face it, life isn't a lot of ups, it's filled with many downs too.

 

I have been thinking for some time, about Leonardo da Vinci's words, some of his diary scrawlings, and his words tumble off the page, he wrote them, "have I done anything at all?" Even Leonardo wondered if his life mattered. And while he enjoyed some patronage during his life, he fell in to somewhat of obscurity until 500 years after his death, when a rare painting was discovered of him and society gathered around his work and his memory once again.

It can be hard to ignore the spinning world that seems to move so very fast, forgetting all of us ordinary people. But we are not lost or forgotten. Ours is not a star to be left on a side walk, we are called heavenward, to an eternal legacy, to a star that shines brightly in the universe, for all to see. We are not ignored, neither is our impact, it is Heaven bought and that's the only star that really matters....

STOP!

Linking with Five Minute Friday

These Girls in Blue

 
These girls in blue, waited on the side-lines, their faces lit with joy. Not only because they watched their team mates batting with excellence, but because they knew it was their time. Their time to win.

The first time a female cricket team from India would lift a world cup trophy.
The final runs were scored. India won, beating England in a seriously convincing win.

These young girls, all under – 19, laughed and hugged. It was pure joy to watch them.
Do they realise what they have achieved? I don’t think so.
Not yet. Not now. But some day they will.

I taught Indians English when they came to South Africa. Not cricket players of course, but nurses and midwives, many male, but mostly female. I spent hours with them and heard many stories, and learnt much about their culture. Patriarchy is still so much the backbone of India and its society. So is class, and honour, child marriage, discrimination, honour killings, gendercide and lack of opportunities for girls.

These young girls from India, are our very first world cup under 19 winners, but more than that, their faces, their lives and their stories, can and will inspire Indian girls to dream.

Shafali Verma was sensational at captaining her under – 19 squad and we will see her soon, as she joins the international team for the upcoming Women’s T20 World Cup. But Shafali’s story, is one that should be a lesson. She grew up in a suburb in India where girls were not encouraged to play outside, let alone play cricket. Shafali however, was determined to pursue her love for cricket, she cut her hair and disguised herself as a boy to play the sport. Her parents were jeered at and neighbours called them all sorts of names when they said their daughter was going to play cricket. Her father was a huge cricket fan and coached her, supporting her skills until eventually she was noticed and made her first-class debut at only 14 years of age. She is still criticised for being “too aggressive as a batter” in women’s cricket (really!) But she’s here, and she’s a woman of inspiration. To say the least.

In an interview after the win, one of the young female players spoke in her mother tongue, she was clear in her words, “my father died when I was very young, my mother is a farmer and farmed to help me have a better life, she sacrificed so much to help me get here today.”

Anyone who understands the culture in India, will understand that this mama didn’t own a farm and boss labourers around, they would understand that she was the labourer, a single mother, who kept her daughter. Worked hard to give her a life others would have fought against.

Child marriage.
Abuse, exploitation, violence,
female discrimination,
rape.
It’s part of the ongoing discrimination that many organisations and individuals are fighting against. 

 

By winning the world cup and sharing their truths, these young girls are showing us, the world, their nation and society – that discrimination is unjust. Dreams are attainable. Girls matter, and girls should be free from discrimination and inequality.

By winning the world cup, we have heard the stories of supportive fathers and uncles who nurtured, cheered and coached their daughters to achieve greatness. These are the types of fathers who change the world for good. These are the types of fathers who are needed, desperately in our world.

By winning the world cup, these incredible girls have shown us the resilience of India’s next generation of women, throwing off the shackles of discrimination and inequality. I am inspired by them, but also as I sat on the edge of my couch watching them I saw their humility, their dedication to team work and their respectful attitudes and gentle presence. They are our daughters too and I am sending them all the love in the world. Thank you daughters of India for being bravely you, and for the mama’s and papa’s who believed in their daughters, ji. 

I interviewed Jill Mcelya Founder of the Invisible Girl Project focusing on fighting gendercide in India, she speaks about the discrimination facing girls in India, here's a link to our conversation: The Invisible Girl Project

Finally, a New Home!

 Seven years ago, I started praying for a new home. The crazy thing is, we don't often think much about timing when it comes to moving or finding a home, as much as we consider timing when it comes to many other things, like our purpose or calling. But somehow, God never released us into a new home until this month. All these many years later. If there's one thing I know, it's that sometimes the things our Father decides to do, defies logic and understanding. But that's the beauty of faith. It suspends meaning. And as people of faith, we forfeit control by allowing there to be no understanding in situations which call for it. Or we risk attaching the wrong meaning to our situations.

Moving has been a deep journey. Ten years of living in one home almost placed us in a comfort zone, which wasn't very comfortable at all. We lived in a close complex, sadly one of the needs within South Africa, is the need to be safe. So we are often found living in security villages, which put you in close contact with your neighbours and if your neigbours aren't very nice, well, you are basically in hell. Our story. We had a restraining order against our downstairs neighbours (thankfully they moved away eventually), we were physically attacked by another neighbour and basically routinely victimised because lawlessness, selfish and evil heartedness prevailed within our security village and we refused to bow our knee to it.

Fast forward..

As I sit in the quiet solitude of a large home, with its high ceilings, in a beautiful suburb in a neighbourhood where the neighbours greet, and help one another, where the birds never stop chirping and the cool breeze blows from the sea, I feel released, and blessed. The years of living in that home, have taken its toll on my soul. Of that I have become aware. Yet in the 4 weeks of finally settling in to a new home, a new space and a new rhythm, I've learnt a lot. And I have truly come home. We moved back to the neighbourhood I grew up in, with the beautiful familiar sights and sounds. Our beloved Table Mountain can be seen from our home and it never fails to mesmerise me. 

Ive learnt about yearning and pulling. The reality of feeling a pull towards "coming back home." We always knew this was where we would be, we felt it spiritually. And God made it happen. When you feel a deep spiritual something indescribable pulling you towards something, it's because there's destiny written all over it. The invisible string that connected us towards this pulling, brought us home.

God can do in 1 day, what could take you many years. Eighteen months ago, we drove around in this very suburb (and it's a small suburb), almost like spies looking at the houses. In this very suburb we prayed, "Father release a home to us right here." We had complete belief in the Goodness of His Heart. The absolute conviction that He is a good Father. In March, we received a call from a family member who never knew we wanted to move. They were moving, thought of us, and offered us the opportunity to rent the home they were vacating. Where? In the neighbourhood we prayed in. There are no coincidences.

 A comfort zone is fear based. Even though we were desperate for the move, we were afraid at times. And almost risked giving up the blessings that waited for us on the other side. When we defaulted in to seeing things with our natural eyes, we risked almost giving up what was intended for us. This is such a HUGE lesson! One I am still pondering deeply. Thankfully, Yahweh knew our humanness and never let us slip, going ahead and doing wonders. His peace guided us like a very strong light, it never moved or failed, never left us, or let us down. We are here, because He was guiding the whole process. 

When we are blessed, others are blessed. Friends have been joining with us in prayer for many years. We had shared with a small number of friends about our hardships and our desire to move. They were our prayer warriors, and our voices of encouragement. Because of their love and prayers, we are here as well. And now our home, is their home too. Our blessings, help them know God is still good and they can trust Him for their own dreams. Deeper still, we've shared meals and conversations around our dining room table with more friends and family in a single month then we usually have before. That's because this space is a home. And we want to share it with the ones we love. A few months back, someone I know was praying for us and saw a picture of people coming in to our home who needed a touch of love and peace. She told me she saw many people refreshed as we welcomed them in. These words are unfolding. Naturally and without hesitation.

It's a journey. We look around and feel the gratitude, it's deep because we know what we went through to get here. Yet, for me personally I also know how my body has held the score of the years of trauma we lived through in an environment which felt unsafe emotionally, and mentally. No, we weren't living in a dangerous neighbourhood, in fact it's one of the most upmarket neighbourhoods in the Cape. But it is oppressed and depraved, and the richer people are, the more they demand licentious right, to everything and anything. I'm taking the time to heal, knowing that everything - light, sound, environment, and people all effect our cells. Since moving, there are mornings and afternoons I've felt the Holy Spirit beckon  me to lean in deeply, in to the silence that charaterises the environment where we live. Leaning in to this silence, has meant realising I am safe. As a child, my home was never silent, there was always fighting. My brain was always scanning for danger. It was the same where we used to live, people were always gossiping, or complaining, arguing or intimidating others. Your brain scans for clues of fear. Now, God is showing me that's no longer the reality, there is a silence that is calming. I am safe. Of this, I am still learning.

So we are settling. And it's beautiful.

A Multi - Faceted Design

 Writing with Five Minute Friday this week! GO!

Everyone has their own unique design.

A way of living, a way of being, our personalities and giftings shaping our purposes and destiny. Some of those ways and some of our giftings come to us slowly slowly. They awaken at certain times, like a long stretching and a smiling after a good nights sleep. I used to think, I'd always know my purpose and my clear path ahead, if I knew my giftings. There's truth in this to be sure. My writing gene was etched in to me and began awakening when I was just 5 years old. My speaking gift and my calling to be a radio presenter and public speaker, well that was a gift I don't think I ever had, until I had to have it.

I was content with the write life, and earnestly wanting to grow as a writer. Until, I was nudged forward by God to speak. I had a fear of public speaking and prayed I would never have to speak in public. Yet, it was where God wanted me to be. He weaned me, nurtured me and helped me forward. It's not about the sound of our voice, or even the words we speak - it's the sheer belief I needed. The belief to know this was where I was called to be. This gift and calling, gradually awakening. Possibly there in childhood, but very dormant and unawakened. It's the Most High who nurtures our giftings, and teaches us what they are - giving us gifts incrementally throughout our lives. And who knows - what gift we will find within ourselves tomorrow? Or which gift we may discover we have even now, they might be the ones we grapple with, or don't think we have...! 

STOP!

Linking Up with Five Minute Friday

FMF - View From the Porch

 Joining with Five minute Friday, for a therapeutic 5 minutes of free writing from the heart...

I remember reading the posts, humorous as they were. Tread in to 2021 lightly, look around, and don't touch anything because who knows what we will get. Now two weeks in, our humour has turned into prophecy, almost. 

 While driving home from the store today, I was thinking about the way we usually enter a new year.

By this time, people are hustling and setting those goals, working hard, planning for their dreams. It's a time to think fresh thoughts and dream new dreams and yet so much of what we face looks so much like yesteryear. I paused to pray with my weary heart, the same things tumbling over one another. My concerns for my friends, my family, concerned for my self. Always praying for safety and health. And turning to God with all these thoughts, what of today and tomorrow and these fears. The weariness of it all.

There is no voice booming down from heaven, no scripture or phone call. There's just a simple sense of Abba drawing near. Just sitting in the now beside me. Bigger than me, so I am comforted in the arms of a Giant. This discomfort remains somewhat, but these questions are safe, extended in the arms of a Giant God. Just here. With me. Looking out on to my horizon, to understand the view from my inner porch. Just here,with me....

STOP!

Linking with Five Minute Friday

Eep was the Heroine I needed to See

If I followed a timeline of new release films, I'd say I came late to the party when it came to watching The Croods when it first released back in 2013.

Looking back, I don't think I came late at all, I don't think I would have been able to comprehend the message I needed to understand, all those year ago. So I watched The Croods just this month, the first one and than the second one. I was struck with an important message about womanhood and matriarchy as I followed the journey of this family. If you haven't yet watched the film, sorry for the spoilers, but maybe you need some of this insight before watching these films.

The Croods family is the last "cave" family left in the known world and the way they survive the truly prehistoric, dangerous world they live in, is to stay in their dark, empty black cave. The family has survived for the most part, because of Grug the very strong caveman father whose sole mission on earth is to take care of his family. Undoubtedly Grug's strength is so necessary in this world they inhabit, but his strength is completely born out of fear. His wife Ugga is strong, so is Gran, and Sandy the baby of the family. Thunk the son is a actually very much a modern day teenage boy, who complies with his father, is lazy, and will eventually (in the second film), become addicted to the window (something we'd understand to be an ancient TV). And then there's Eep! 

She's the oldest sibling, with her fiery red hair and tiger skin halter dress, she's filled with the wonder and desire to step out of the cave, in to the unknown. Her father calls it curiosity, in essence it's independence and wonder outside of fear. 

Everyone of us have experienced the pull of independence within our teenage years. Those years felt full of pushing and pulling, as our parents still tried to reign us in but we yearned to fly. But For Eep there's more. It's not just the pull of teenage years, Eep is the foil for her father Grug. In fact, Eeps curiosity saves the family as the continents shift and the world as they known it changes. Eep pushes her family to think differently, and eventually she leads them to a boy she meets named Guy. He's advanced in thought, and ideas, he's very much a modern guy (excuse the pun). But in opposition, Eep is filled with both inner and outward strength. 

She's the heroine I needed to see when I was young, the one millennial girls never grew up seeing. 

She saves the day and saves the guy, in this poignant scene I cannot get enough of. Her holding Guy with her one hand and a rope in her other as they dangle across a bottomless hole about to be murdered by a monster. 

While the patriarch has dominated the scene, it is not another male who will become the protagonist of survival, it's a woman, it's Eep. She is the future, and she is the rightful leader. Everything points to this, her father has to learn to see it.

In the second Croods film, the wives and daughters led by Gran - who loves talking about the tribe of warrior women she used to lead, ultimately save all the men. This is not a way of saying women do not need men, it's a way of saying, we have to be who we were created to be. 

Some women are born to be leaders in various capacities, and some men are needed as leaders as well. It's about learning to work together, and being humble enough to accept that female leadership is Divinely Ordained and historically rejected. And perhaps the bigger narrative in the Croods is the one beneath the surface in the first film but glaringly obvious in the second, matriarchy is needed within this world. When it is not given space, it will grow regardless, and when it grows it will be a holy force for Life. The empowerment of women to be who and what they were created to be, should be coupled with teaching men how to live with that empowerment and to see it as a force for the goodness of this earth.

With fresh heroines like Eep, our daughters are witnessing what it means to be fully yourself, (I love how happy she is when Guy calls her heavy - a truth we need to internalize that beauty standards are shaped by culture and exposure). These were not the kinds of heroines I saw growing up, and perhaps it shaped my generation's thinking of what it meant to date, and what kind of guy we were all looking for. This is changing (yes please!) and it needs to. The world is changing, our generation is changing and the divine calling for the next generation will be a different one. God is trusting us to model; equality, togetherness and co - rulership on this earth. Grugg is needed, but so too  more than ever, is Epp...

 

FMF - Not Letting Go

Five Minute Friday - Sharing my heart and thoughts in 5 minutes, writing on the world "conclude," go!

 

As we conclude the year 2020, I found I held inside a sense of fear. It's become normal for people to say "it's been a bad year," or "it's been a year!" And I get that, it has. Covid was suddenly around, it was among us, with us and continues to take many lives in its wake. South Africa had one of the worst lockdowns in the world, back in March. Looking back, I'm so grateful for it, though initially I was fearful. 

But personally, I felt as though I was falling apart when lock down began. 

I suddenly had to face trauma I had carried with me from 2019, that I had subconsciously numbed through work, new opportunities and day to day living. I ignored the gnawing sadness that had entered the new year with me. Lock down was used by God to help me face this. I grew a lot, so much in fact that I am a whole lot stronger. A lot has changed inside of me and I have been able to see parts of myself that I could not see before because I was "hidden" behind things I wouldn't face.

SO as 2021 approaches, it feels unknown. Not because of Covid, but because of the good things this year gave me and I've been afraid to let go of that. Yet, over the past week in times of prayer, the fear has slipped away. The changes and the inner growth cannot be taken away. God has good in store, there are new seasonal beginnings, but God has them all and HE never stops working on us, when we walk hand in hand with Him.

STOP!

I feel incredibly grateful this year, that God has done amazing things for many people I love and care about. I've seen that the work He has done has been inwardly and that's a precious gift. What are you grateful for today? 

Linking with Five Minute Friday 

Friendship and Connection

Have Missed taking part in the Five Minute Friday posts!

So writing today for five minutes on the prompt "present." Go!

 I've struggled with the meaning of friendships over the years. Wondering if I could put my finger on what my needs are, and what I want to be for others. I know I am deeply loyal and faithful, I care, love blessing my friends and holding space for them. I believe in sitting on the couch, letting your friend cry and loving them in the mess of it all. I believe in connecting, I'm not superficial or surface. I can't be, it's just not me. I'm not intense or crazy, and I only allow a handful of people to be called friend. 

Inevitably though, people claim to look for friendship, but cannot commit to connecting. We as a society, have become afraid of connection. So people stay surface - level. They don't impart the gift of connection, which is my definition of friendship.

Even as I pen these words, I'm struck by a deep revelation. My word for the year - given to me by God - is "connection."

Let me tell you, when I got this word at the beginning of 2020, I was kinda confused. I had no context or words, no frame of reference for the word connection. Now, some 10 months later in a Covid world, I have so much context for the word connection. I'm also now aware that my friendships have to come with connection. If they don't, I struggle with it and that's okay too. It is our presence and our ability to go deeper than the surface that can cause a friend to become more than an acquaintance, I believe this is where true friendship begins....

STOP!

Linking with Five Minute Friday 

 

I've Been Challenged - FMF

My Five Minute Friday Check - In! Go.

The passed few months I've been challenged. At first I just started struggling to cope and feeling easily overwhelmed and tired. A trip to my doctor and she diagnosed me with adrenal fatigue. We had a frank chat about my life and she booked me off for a week. That week was truly a blessing, although it was hard at first. I'm intuitive by nature and I live very consciously, especially of my own feelings and thoughts. That week, I asked God to simply hold me, and not to give up on me. It was a simple and honest prayer. And I allowed my heart to lead. When my soul was telling me to rest, I rested. When it felt angry, I allowed myself the freedom to feel the intensity of it. I stopped stuffing feelings away and started paying attention, not surviving as we all do, when we have to routinely go to work, do our chores and our duties. I started paying attention. To myself. One of the biggest challenges has been realising that my own burn out is not caused by being overworked, or having too much to do, it's cause by my own internal desires to be the best I can be at everything. That perfectionist voice, keeps us from resting inside. No matter how many pockets of peace one takes, there comes a cloud, a voice always saying "get it right." I'm a lot better, but I'm still being challenged. Still figuring this out, still struggling at times. 

Stop!
Linking with Five Minute Friday
 

I Dared to Draw Near - Five Minute Friday

Five Minute Friday! Writing on the prompt "distant." 

Distant. Far in the distance, the curtain blows softly with the wind. I draw near, sandals on my dusty feet, across the floor of the wilderness to where we have been temporarily banished. Far from the promised land, the place promised to our ancestors. I draw near, slowly, will God see me?

The curtain still blows as I slip gently through the alley of tents watching the tabernacle in the distance, the place where God dwells. If He is so Holy and so Mighty, so Loving, yet so filled with justice and mercy, surely He will see me.

I pause at the place I saw from across the space of landscape. Here I am, hineni. Moses stands at the left of the curtain, his grey beard curling against his chin, his kind, focused eyes stare at me. "Moses our leader," I start filled with conviction, "my father died in the wilderness for his own sin, and he had no sons only daughters. We do not believe he should die and have his name wiped out forever just because he had no sons, give us the land promised to our ancestors, the land of inheritance so we might raise our families there."

Moses pauses and whispers. I cannot hear his words, but I am used to seeing him mumbling, talking to God at every second of every hour of the day. He nods, sparkling eyes as he looks at me, the daughter of Zelophehad. "Yes," he proclaims, "God says yes..."

STOP!

I wrote this while thinking and reflecting on Numbers, where the daughters of Zelophehad approach Moses and ask God to give them an inheritance. The beauty of the original Hebrew words used int his passage expresses the delight of Yahweh, as His daughters ask Him for an eternal law to be passed. He says yes to their request and history actually changes because they dared to speak up! Our God is waiting for His daughters to speak up, not for themselves but for others so that the world as we know it and history itself will be forever changed, granting greater freedom to many.

I dared to Draw Near - FMF