I learned
something amazing about “me” today and somehow I want to share it here just
because. This morning I was led by Father God to share with a good friend,
something that Father wanted her to know about a specific behaviour. I cherish
the fact that we know each other and value one another so as to have the space
between us to share directly in love, with one another. As I started sharing
with her what Father had laid on my heart, I started to have personal
revelation about myself. It was not something perceived in the mind, but it was
something that opened in my innermost being, in my spirit and the moment was a
sacred space. For years I struggled with the idea of rest until I had burn out
twice.
The burn out
I had in 2009 was so severe that I had to see a psychiatrist. Needless to say I
knew what was coming, medication. However,
I dropped the script and made the journey to England for a full month’s
holiday. My boyfriend at the time (now my husband) was preaching the word in a
church there and we stayed with my (now) in-laws. Father knew it was the right
space and conditions for me to heal. I had a very small bedroom with a double
bed and a wardrobe but the best part about this room was that the bed faced a
huge bay window which overlooked gardens and tall trees. Occasionally we saw foxes
in the garden and lots of different birds, it was heavenly. I spent most of my
time resting physically until my emotions and mental state could follow suit. I
learnt that physically resting is not the same as whole being resting. I can be resting physically as in sitting on
my bed chilling but my soul could be all over the place and then that’s not
resting. Anyhow, as I sat on that bed in the U.K I heard the Father tell me – “now
I am going to restore you, you will see.” I trusted Him and truly He did. After
that I had a long way to go to learn about true rest. You see I come from a
family where emotional abuse was the order of the day. I came home not knowing
what mood I would find or what trouble I would be in, so there was never a sense
of rest hanging around. This was the reality that had to be restored in me, the
reality of rest.
Today as I
was speaking on the phone, I had such a divine, sweet moment – Father showed me
that I love to create a space. A real
space. I studied psychology for ten years but knew I never wanted to fix other people’s
problems; I wanted to facilitate their growth. I could never put it plainly in
to words, suddenly Yeshua made it real for me today. I do not want to fix your
problems, I don’t want to give advice – this is not what I was created for,
rather Father wants to create a safe space around me for you to be real with me,
with yourself and with Him. This space is a rest space, a trust space, a quiet
and sometimes noisy space, or a silent space, you should not have the answers
in the space and it is not about fixing it is about being real. Part of the
conversation with my friend revolved around being real, especially with
yourself and allowing a space to be real. Her and I could relate to this,
especially being in ministry, that space is hard to find but it still exists.
Today – in this section on my journey in life, I believe so much in rest and
giving myself the space for what I need, that I won’t compromise on that. Rest
and true, real space that is important in my life and even when I don’t enjoy
the liberty of going away anymore, I still can choose the space in my life. The
space to sleep, to walk, to listen to the birds, the space to create, to draw,
to pain, to write, the space to just be me. God has given it to me and I am
living it, I am the space person, and I wont compromise on it. We need to live
it – and forget about the world as the world has a warped idea of space and
rest. When people rest the world says hey you being lazy! But when we don’t rest,
we are being disobedient – isn’t Father’s fourth commandment about resting on
the Sabbath, all about true, spiritual rest! Taking rest space and real space
is not selfish, it is honouring. Honouring to yourself and honouring to Yahweh,
it honours Him when we value ourselves because of His Creator stamp that He
placed on to our flesh and in our DNA. We need to be tenacious about taking our
space and allowing a space like that to exist for others too. I believe this is
a journey but there is nothing better than to enjoy true rest, in all areas of
our being – body, soul and spirit! I must add before I end off that true rest
and peace only comes when one’s being in connected to the Holy One of Israel,
to Yeshua. There is exists no peace without Him, for the Bible tells us that
there is no rest, no peace for the wicked (Isaiah 48:22). True rest can only
exist alongside real trust, to rest requires trust. Think about sleeping for
example, sleeping is the deepest place of trust, it is a time when you are not
in control of your surroundings, of your bank account, your household, etc –
all is left in God’s Hands and when all those things are truly left in God’s
Hands, one enjoys the sweetest sleep. Again, this is a process but one within
our grasp, I am committed to God in rest, let us heed what He tells us to do
and not be one who is unwilling....
Let me end
off with the following:
This
is what the Almighty Lord,
the Holy One of Israel, says:
You
can be saved by returning to me.
You can have rest.
You can be strong by being quiet and by trusting me.
But you don’t want that.
(Isaiah 30:15)
You can have rest.
You can be strong by being quiet and by trusting me.
But you don’t want that.
(Isaiah 30:15)
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