Monday 15 July 2013

Asking Questions... And Wondering

I was inspired by Idalette's post Circling Silence Seven Times it spoke to my heart today, about so many things that I have held inside.

The reality of unsilencing the truth about my own identity and about my own message...
I write, so I am a writer?
I speak, so I am a preacher?
I am a daughter, does that make me child?
What does all these realities make me? In fact, where do I belong I keep asking.
How do I live out all that is in my heart?
Where do I begin?
Should I begin? 
Who, where, how, if?

Some days my life feels so full and other days it just feels empty regarding purpose. As though I am trying so hard to unsilence my voice and yet which voice is unsilenced?
Is it the writer? The child of God? The Wife? The friend? The preacher? Is it all of them?
And then how do I know what is the deepest gladness and the truest calling?

I dont know the answers, but I am okay with the asking.
In the asking and in the midst of silence that is about to be undone, I enjoy the reality that we are called upon to ask questions. In fact the Jewish leaders, sages and rabbi's tell us little Yiddishe boys and girls - should ask! For Judaism is the rarest religion based on asking questions, sometimes the kind of questions that are deep and difficult. The kind of questions that usually shake the religious pants off some pastors... True!
God wants me to ask, He wants me to inquire, He tells me to....

In days to come, when your son asks you, ‘What does this mean?’ say to him, ‘With a mighty hand the Lord brought us out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. (Ex. 13: 14)

 But now ask the beasts, and let them teach you; and the birds of the heavens, and let them tell you. “Or speak to the earth, and let it teach you; and let the fish of the sea declare to you. Who among all these does not know that the hand of YHWH has done this! (Job 12: 7 -9)

In the future, when your son asks you, “What is the meaning of the stipulations, decrees and laws the Lord our God has commanded you?” tell him: “We were slaves of Pharaoh in Egypt, but the Lord brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand. (Deut. 6: 20-21)

Asking is searching and God wants us to search for Him with all of our hearts - And you shall seek me, and find me, when you shall search for me with all your heart. (Jer 29:13)

And so I am asking, what depth of silence have I still to uncover and who I am to be, am I to be everything that I am or more? Am I to be one thing or many? Am I to be someone summed up in one word, or am I to be just me... 
You will be found by me, because I am searching and when I am searching you ordain the finding*

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