A "Jenny" in all of us

I was sitting in the lounge today when my eyes fell on Jenny. Jenny is a very special porcelain doll my mom made for me when I was about 12 years old. At the time my mom was making porcelain dolls each week when suddenly she found this one in a book and thought she looked so much like me. Jenny has a nice bob hairstyle and she had brown eyes (after 16 years they have now turned purple!!) and she loves walking around in her pajama’s with her teddy bear under her arm. As I looked at Jenny today, I kind of felt emotional I guess it was because she does look so much like me when I was younger. She also reminds me of all the things that comforted me as a child. One of them was a pink blanket called Blankie or Twirly, which I slept with until the age of 21. I also carried my toys around with me and I still love teddy bears! 

Years ago a friend of mine visited a psychologist and after a number of sessions the psychologist suggested that she buy a doll and play with it. Another young lady I knew had another psychologist suggest that she buy teddy bears. These two completely different women had two things in common, they have both never had the privilege of proper childhood memories and so they needed to embrace the part of themselves which they never had the privilege of enjoying. Think about it, some around us never had the privilege of being a child. Some had to bathe their drunk moms, or look after their brothers and sisters while their parents were drinking or drugging. Others had to grow up and get a job when they should have been in school and enjoying the ups and downs of being a teenager and yet others have the cheek of condemning people who re-embrace their childhood years. I myself have so many wonderful memories of my childhood, and I have many bad ones too but over the past few years Father God has cleansed my memories and allowed only the good to remain behind. I was given the precious joy of being a child; I had loads of toys (which I still have in boxes in my house!) I had loads of teddy bears (and I keep buying more) and I had loads of playtime alone and with friends. The point is that inside we still are little girls (or boys) and we need little me or little you to be free. Often in prayer I see myself as a little girl just so excited to be with Daddy. Other times I see myself as other things but to allow myself the joy of being a little girl playing with her toys while Daddy Yahweh sits on His rocking chair smiling at me, is one of the things I enjoy the most. 

On the other side of this I must just add that I went through an entire year of healing the little girl in me. I had many father wounds and mother wounds as a child and in 2010 and 2012 Yeshua started ministering to me and taking me back to the point where I was five years old. Little me needed healing and so I received it and now I am able to be fully me – alive in my thirtieth year and also I am sometimes just Father’s Lollipop eating, push me higher on the swing little me. And its perfect! I don’t want you to feel like you can’t embrace the little girl in you just because the world says grow up. If you love teddy bears – then love them! If you love colouring in books then love them, clay making then clay make, whatever it is – we are all still Daddy’s little girl. That is why I posted a song by Steven Curtis Chapman called Cinderella on my blog down below, because Father wants to dance with His Cinderella today. There is a Jenny inside of us all and she has a pink pajama’s on with a teddy bear snugly under her arm and she is healthy, she is happy and she is whole. I love the wholeness that Father brings to us and to our little girl souls – because as Dr Dobson says “every one of them (girls) is beautiful, precious and unique.”  You are so precious and loved in the eyes of the King today, whether that is hard for you to accept it still remains truth and I bless you today in the name of Messiah Yeshua to be whole, to experience true Love and to be fully you in the presence of yourself. I bless you to take your healthy, happy, whole Jenny along with you and never forget to be the little girl in the arms of a Mighty God – His Love is strong, Eternal and unfailing!  

(I’m having Coffee For Your Heart with my friend Holley Gerth today!)

Lessons with Pilach

I have an adorable, very fluffy, very big Norwegian Forest Cat with an attitude. His name is Pilach – tadahhhh *meet Pilach!*

I learn a lot of things by being a mommy to this baby, who is often rude, obnoxious, cute and just the best family member ever! Just yesterday I was making the bed and Pilach was sitting watching me intently. It was really cold outside and the winter rain was falling while the black clouds created night in the daytime. Even though I was changing the bedding I was intrigued by Pilach and his child-like demure. He reminded me so much of myself as a child. Looking over at mom who seemed a million miles away and just wanting to be noticed. It was a very precious moment! And then suddenly my husband started letting the air out of his tyres in the spare room and Pilach, who is easily shaken up by sudden noises, jumped in to the air and was clearly frightened. I don’t like seeing him like that even after ten years of living with me, he still gets frightened by noises. I rescued him from the pound and am assured that his year and a half spent elsewhere before I met him, was a year and a half of hell. His one eye had iris damage and he was scared to eat, scared to move too quickly and had nose damage. Happily enough however, Pilach came to the right home and his life is just filled with so much love and so much prayer (we lay hands on him and pray blessings over him every day) that he in fact has an amazing testimony (even of how God healed him of diabetes – true story!). 

But he still gets skittish with sudden movements and noises so when hubby let the tyres out Pilach was scared. I went over to him and told him softly “Pilach we have had this conversation many times, you need to learn to trust me my son, mommy will never let anything bad happen to you.”
And of course, I knew what Pilach did not know that while he was scared because of perceived danger which he could not see or understand, I knew that there was no danger approaching and that I was looking out for him regardless because I would literally throw myself in front of him and danger.
And then I felt Father God smile at me and as I sat down on the bed, my heart began to warm. So many times I have heard God tell me “my child do not fear I will always be with you and I will never let anything happen to you.” How many times have I heard Yahweh tell me that and yet I still get scared. How many times does He say “trust me! When I am around NOTHING is going to hurt you.” How many times have I sat like Pilach feeling like I am just peeking through the doorway at God wanting to be noticed by Him when yet all the while He is more intrigued with me then I was with Him? I am always under His watchful eye, because He knows from where I have come and the scars on my heart which have left me frightened. How many times have I jumped at a sudden noise (or little scare tactic of the enemy) and imagined it to be an overwhelming onslaught when yet all the while my Papa knows it is only a little lizard casting a huge shadow on the wall and that I have nothing to fear. How many times am I like Pilach..... 

Father also shared with me that Pilach perceives these sounds and dangers because he experiences it from within himself. It is the same with me, while I was not scared of the deflating tyres because I understood it and saw it from a higher vantage point, when we as human beings are in a perceived danger place – we see from within ourselves. Yahweh is at the higher vantage point, He sees the environment surrounding us and He understands where the danger is coming from and whether it is real or not. I am learning now that when things get tough, we got to run in to our Daddy and take Him at His word – to believe and trust that while He is around nothing can harm us. We have to believe it, not in our minds but in our souls too. We also have to ask Father for His vision on a situation, for His eyesight of truth, getting out of ourselves and in to His wings. I learn so much from these moments with Father and with Pilach and even in this I better learn to love Pilach because I understand that from his viewpoint its dangerous and that’s okay. I have compassion on him and I love him, so I understand and I simply step forward and draw him in to a space where He hears my soothing voice and begins to understand that its okay. For me, I know my Daddys Voice is my everything, I cannot live a day without it – it’s water for my soul and Love for my being and He does the same for me, speaking over me when I am suddenly afraid. Thank You Daddy Yeshua for being all I need with You at my side I have nothing to fear!

Five Minute Friday - Hands

My favourite time! Five Minute Friday, where we get to write no editing, no going over it, nothing! Just from the heart for five minute... Here goes!

 Hands...

Go!!!

I remember singing the most beautiful song called Hands by the artist Jewel when I was 18. It went “These hands are small I know but they're yours they are my own, they're not yours, they are my own and I am never broken.” I have often marvelled at the beauty of my own hands and thought yeah I want these hands to matter – I want to be Gods Hands (the song says the same!). Over the past few months God has taken me on an incredible journey – a whirlwind to perhaps everything that was inside of me from time beginning but that was never awakened. The timing just wasn’t right, but now it is. I have taken up art and started painting. I am completing a drawing class. I have started a very brave journey doing pottery classes and most of all I am a writer, one of Gods poets and prophetic voices, I hold a pen. Lately, my prayer has been God use my hands to create what you want to for Your Kingdom because every poem, every pot, every painting and every piece is an instrument of Gods. I don’t paint for people, I paint for God and I paint to express my soul which is redeemed by the love of Yeshua – so naturally it is an expression of a side of Him. Hands, I love my hands. I have become so aware of peoples hands that I find myself looking over at other peoples hands in public. Three weeks ago I wrote a poem under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit for an upcoming event and Father kept telling me “the stories of your sisters (worldwide) lives are written on their hands.” This is the crux of the poem and the crux of our lives, what are you using your hands for today, what do they tell the world about you?
Psalm 24 – Who may ascend the Hill of God, only the one who has clean hands and a pure heart!

STOP!!

Honouring my Siblings

While everything I post on my blog is somewhat personal, each post is unique and some go very deep. This is one such post, the very deep one that is.

It was inspired by the Holy Spirit and a lady who commented on one of my other posts about the womb of God. I know that there is someone out there, that needs this post as much as I need to write it today.

In 2010 my husband and I moved to the country for ministry work. At the time I was facing alot and the move was both traumatic and welcoming. My husband was teaching classes and because of the move I was now able to attend with him and enjoy the classes. One Thursday morning I woke up early and got ready to go. That morning I woke up with a strange sense of sadness in my spirit but I prayed about it and then went off to the class. During the break time I spent some time chatting with the ladies and one lady was a nurse who had helped deliver babies. I began to speak to her when the conversation took a Holy Spirit led turn. I began to mention to her that my parents wanted four children but they only had two. My mom had had my brother and then lost two children thereafter. The doctors found cancer on my mom’s ovary and removed it; they told her she would never have a child again. Seven years later however, I came along, a very healthy miracle child. As we were talking the pain in my spirit began to get more real and I began to tear up. She asked me how I felt about the babies my mom had lost in between and I told her although I had never thought about it before, I actually felt really sad about it although they were only here for a brief moment in the physical, I missed them nonetheless. All of a sudden the pain I felt inside made sense to me, I was grieving for my lost siblings, the ones I had never known. That afternoon I went home and sat in my room talking it out with God. After that I went through a period where I allowed the pain to flow free from within. I didn’t just allow it just to flow free, I allowed God to open His Hand and receive my pain, God mourned intimately with me. I shared my pain with a wonderful friend and together we cried and she offered me the space of saying what I needed to say and grieve for their lost lives. And then one night God came and showed me a little bit of heaven, literally.

I don't read books about heaven often but I was given a book written by a lady who had "visited" heaven and I decided to skim through the pages. I was skimming one night when suddenly a heading on one of the pages caught my attention. It read "the children." I felt transfixed to the page and I started reading the words that glided off the page. The author described how she saw children suddenly enter the throne room of God and how delighted He was at their presence. They were ushered in and each one held in his or her hand, a gift of myrrh. They each had a chance to sit on Papa's lap and offer Him the myrrh. The author turned to the person standing next to her and she asked “who are these children?” The person answered, “these are the children who were miscarried and the ones who had been aborted, the myrrh they offer is for the forgiveness of the ones who aborted them.” The scene the author described was short but poignant; Father knew it was what I needed. It was the final peg on my journey of grief. I felt fresh tears flow from my being again and then after that I felt peace. For I know now that my family members are with Christ and that there will be a time where I will see them again. Grieving for their loss was necessary and it was honouring, for the pain of their presence and their absence to be felt, although their lives were not lived here with me or with their family. Miscarried children are alive from the time of conception, they have a spirit and they are living. Medicine calls them foetuses but God calls them - human beings and most importantly He calls them His. Even as I type up these words I know I will somehow miss them regardless but I know that I can live with the beautiful picture of them living with God for all eternity and that is enough. I know I needed to share this pain because someone else out there needs to hear that, it is okay and it is necessary to grieve for the children that are not here. If you are grieving may Father’s heart of wholeness and peace touch you today in the deepest place, for you are never alone in the midst of pain, Papa’s arms are right around you, strong enough for today and forever. 
Linking up with Tell His Story

Africa and Human Trafficking

Who can ignore the voices of our African queens, stolen, kidnapped, sold in to slavery? When our imagination fails to help us envision their pain, the beating of Patsey in “12 years a slave” forces the mind to feel it. Twelve years a slave, for others it’s a lifetime. This is the reality of the world and more closely, the reality of Africa and her pain. Twenty seven million people are modern day slaves and the world is still counting. It is modern day slavery which we call human trafficking.

Our nation freshly emerging from its twenty years of freedom is a landscape anything but free. Gender inequalities, poor attitudes and interventions for women and children render South Africa an open door for the worlds trafficking victims to pass through. South Africa has shamefully been named one of the top ten global societies where human trafficking is the worst. Research studies reveal that there are close to 30 000 child prostitutes on South African streets today and the numbers are increasing.

Human trafficking is something that each one of us is becoming painfully aware of. With close to 300 innocent girls kidnapped in Nigeria in May this year, the world’s outcry has brought human trafficking in to centre stage but there still remain millions of victims hidden away. Behind closed doors waiting for someone to come and save them. 

It is estimated that 1,2 million children are currently trafficked victims, half of these children are from Africa. Human trafficking affects all people, while women and children are the main victims of human trafficking, men are frequently kidnapped and sold as well. Victims of trafficking are sold for a number of reasons;

·         Prostitution

·         Agricultural or domestic workers

·         Forced or child labour

·         Forced marriages

·         Drug  mules

Thobeka* (name changed to protect identity) grew up in an informal settlement in a rural area of South Africa. Her sister met an older man who was visiting his family from Johannesburg and he promised Thobeka and her sister a great job as waitresses in the big city of Joburg. Thobeka’s parents were elderly and poor; she thought she could help them by sending money home each month, so she agreed to travel to Joburg. Thobeka and her sister used their last bit of money to travel on a bus up to Johannesburg. When they arrived their I.D books were taken from them and they were placed in a small apartment in one of South Africa’s worst suburbs, Hilbrow. They were drugged, beaten and forced to stand on the street as prostitutes. Their lives were threatened until one day Thobeka begged one of the men who picked her up, to take her to the police station. 

Today, Thobeka is a survivor but her journey to healing is a lifelong one. Added to this, before July last year South Africa had no legal framework to prosecute human trafficking offenders. Neither could the police intervene to help victims of trafficking, as no single law existed to protect victims and survivors. The good news is that today South Africa has a “Prevention and Combating of Trafficking in Persons Bill.” This bill stipulates that if a trafficking offender is caught, he or she can face life imprisonment or up to R100 million fine. The bill also provides an infrastructure to protect and aid victims of human trafficking. While the legal system may be in place on paper, it is up to us as women and citizens of a free country, to educate ourselves and our daughters on the reality of human trafficking. Legislation may exist but the implementation of that legislation takes time. Aung San Suu Kyi, Burma’s prime minister and freedom activist once said “please use your freedom to promote ours.” Let us use our freedom in this nation to speak up for those who are still in chained, let us guard the hearts and lives of the girls and children of Africa; their lives and their voices are precious, they are counting on us, let us not be silent.  

Pencil in those moments...

Dont forget to pencil in your moments this week, the moments of lunch or coffee with the Beloved. The beautiful moments of sweet nothing that means everything.
Our King is so amazing, I just adore Him...