Monday 5 March 2018

When I Looked at You

16 years ago on a Tuesday, I woke up, rubbed my sleepy eyes and dressed for school. I dont remember much about the classes, all I remember was thinking  about the dance club I was going to on Friday night with my friends and the guy I liked. Life was normal and empty. Until Bible period, back when they still allowed religious education in school. A youth pastor came and preached a message of challenge and truth. I broke, the Holy Spirit moved my heart and I saw myself as I was, an unclean sinner. I stood up when he made the altar call. Confessed my Saviour Jesus and felt the weight of my dirt covered body in its sin. I wept. All I could do way say the name Jesus over and over again. 13:30.

The class ended, I dried my eyes, changed. I wondered through the hall to my next class and felt radically different and almost out of place. God is good. I walked in to my computer class, 3 of my class mates and my teacher were Christians. As they entered the class I told them " I got saved!" And they started shouted and praising God, I was filled with uncontainable, unnameable joy. The teacher chided us for being so loud, "Teacher," my one friend said, "she got saved!" He excused us from the class and we went to stand in the passage. Revival worship broke out as 4 girls danced in the hall. Two of them had been praying for me, before I even got saved, they would become instrumental in my life. 

The next day, it was the entire matric class bible period. A dark haired man with a goatie shared about God and an unsaved friend pulled me along to go speak with him. I was still trying to find my way now that I was saved. I didnt know what I was suppose to it. She spoke to him and he invited us to a cell group meeting that night. I went, she stopped going. That guy became my mentor for 3 years. Just God. He was sold out, passionate and on fire, through his life and passion for God, I learnt hunger and identity. 

I left my old life behind, little by little. I lost all my friends and gave up the guy I was casually seeing. But the love, and depth, the Feeling of God, the Touch of God, the Love of God it was more than enough. Five months later I wore a cross on my head to my matric dance (prom), and two of my athiest friends I kept loving after I got saved, they smiled when I walked in. They grabbed me with a big hug and someone took a photo. That photo I treasure, for the fearlessness I had in continuing to speak Gods love in a way that still left people loving me. My words were offensive with truth, but my heart not. I was brave enough to wear my faith out in the open, not just among the religious or the saved. I was tough enough to lose the friends I loved, surrendered enough to break music cd's that God convicted me of. I was somehow weak but strong enough in Christ to let go of the hand of a man I had secretly liked for months and somehow managed to snag. I was tall enough within to believe that no matter what happened God had a plan. My future felt secure. My life felt mapped. I was still a mess inside, still wounded, broken and fleshly, that's the journey. The journey towards holiness and sanctification, the letting go of endless things. The pursuit of Yeshua and His Beautiful call. A walk that began when a Relentless, Loving, Compassionate powerful God pursued me, and never gave up on me. I'm so grateful, still in awe and ever more committed than before. Thank You Yeshua!

 "when I looked at you and saw that you were old enough for love, I spread the corner of my garment over you and covered your naked body. I gave you my solemn oath and entered into a covenant with you, declares the Sovereign Lord, and you became mine."
Ezekiel 16:8

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